A Modest Proposal for The Donald

It has come to my attention that many Americans are unaware of the huge threats facing our country today. What with the gay agenda, run-away government spending on useless programs like headstart, medicare, and social security, and the fascist attempt to turn us all into socialists by giving people access to healthcare, coupled with the constant threat of Middle-Eastern terrorism in our own country which has only been staved off by sending our people to be killed in other countries, the American way of life is in more danger now than in any time in our great nation’s history.

This why it is more important than ever that we thoroughly vet those who might possibly try to attempt to lead us. I understand that Donald Trump is exploring the possibility of running for the Republican nomination for President of the United States. I applaud Mr. Trump for his past contributions to the economy and culture of our country, and for his desire to enter the public service. I do have one concern however.

You see, I read on the internet that Mr. Trump’s grandparents emigrated from Germany. I also heard, somewhere, that our country was at war not once, but twice, with that country as recently as last century. Therefore, I have to wonder about Mr. Trump’s eligibility for the presidency. Please understand that I’m not saying he’s a German enemy combatant; I’m simply asking the question.

So I am proposing that Mr. Trump release a copy of his long form birth certificate to the citizens of the United States. Now, an on-line posting is fine and good for some things, but, let’s face it, sometimes people lie on the internet. That is why I propose that Mr. Trump send a certified hard copy of his birth certificate to every registered voter in the U.S. Now, this should be easy, as registered voter lists are public record, and I’m sure Mr. Trump has a certified long-form birth certificate handy at all times, like all good Americans. But, to be generous, I’ll give him a month to complete the mailings. After all, we Americans are entitled to know the truth.

In fact, since the popular current thought is that government should be run like a business, I think, that as Mr. Trump’s prospective employers, the American people need a completed W-4 and I-9 from him, along with the 2 types of acceptable identification as indicated on those forms. After all, if we are going to hire him to run the country, we have to make sure he’s not part of the illegal immigrant menace that threatens to destroy life as we know it.

So, Mr. Trump, I know that after thinking about it, you will agree that this is best for the country. I await your correspondence with confidence. After all, it’s the least you can do if you want to hear those magical words: “You’re Hired.”